One Liners
- What is the speed of
dark?
- When you're sending someone
Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
- Why are there Braille
signs on drive-up ATM's?
- If women wear a pair
of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings,
- why don't they wear a
pair of bras?
- How come you never hear
about gruntled employees?
- What is a "free" gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
- After eating, do amphibians
have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
- If white wine goes with
fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
- What's another word for
synonym?
- If someone with multiple
personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- When sign makers go on
strike, what is written on their picket signs?
- Where do forest rangers
go to "get away from it all"?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored
cat food?
- Why are builders afraid
to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
- How can there be self-help
groups?
- Why do you need a driver's
license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- Why are cigarettes sold
in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
- Why are there interstate
highways in Hawaii?
- Why is it that when you
transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport
something by ship, its called cargo?
- Why do we play in recitals
and recite in plays?
- Why isn't phonetic spelled
the way it sounds?
- Where are Preparations
A through G?
- Are there seeing eye
humans for blind dogs?
- If knees were backwards,
what would chairs look like?
- When you open a new bag
of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
- When your pet bird sees
you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring
at carpeting?
- What happened to the
first 6 "ups"?
- If an orange is orange,
why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
- Why does your nose run,
and your feet smell?
- If olive oil comes from
olives, where does baby oil come from?
- My school colors were
"clear"
- I stayed in a really
old hotel last night. They sent me awake-up letter.
- I'm taking Lamaze classes.
I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.
- I went for a walk last
night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole
time."
- Hermits have no peer
pressure.
- Whenever I think of the
past, it brings back so many memories...
- There's a fine line between
fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot..
- How much deeper would
the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
- What a nice night for
an evening.
- Did Washington just flash
a quarter for his ID?
- I live on a one-way dead-end
street.
- It doesn't matter what
temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
- I played a blank tape
on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained.
- Why in a country of free
speech, are there phone bills?
- When a man talks dirty
to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's
$3.95 per minute.
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